Marriage is a good thing and is usually fun if one happens to be marrying the right person a well as a best friend. Before rushing into marriage, it is advisable that you and your partner engage in a heart to heart talk. In this talk, it is best that you ask each other some premarital counseling questions that will help you clear off uncertainties. Also, these questions may help one to learn much more about their partner thus resulting in treating them in ways that would please them. Premarital questions are quite many and happen to fall under different categories. The categories am talking about could be money, sex as well as general life situations. They are further discussed below.
Premarital counseling questions about sex
- How do you ensure that both of you have enough sex in the midst of a very tight weekly schedule? What are the best ways to maintain passion within sex as the marriage life progresses?
It is important to note that sex life is just among the many other things or rather issues that may arise as people live together. This is because each party has got a job to attend to, a home to start molding, errands to run among other things. It is therefore essential to plan on ways in which they are to spend their time ensuring that they reserve time for each other and for the children who are to come later in the future. Once enough time is allocated for the marriage, you will surely have less concern on ‘enough sex’. Assuming that you make good time on the time you set aside, examining of intimacy should now begin there and I guarantee you that you will be unrushed and rested. You will learn what is going on in each other’s life and that relational environment will be perfect for good sex life to thrive.
- How do you transition from sex is wrong to sex is right?
This premarital question ought to be answered by a marriage counselor. They should guide couples on how to transition from the shame of having sex to freedom of having sex. This is because some couples or even one of the spouses may find it hard to transfer from guilt associated with the sex to pleasure that comes along with sex. Basically, this is necessary for people that dated as per the requirements of their religion as most of them believe that sex before marriage is unacceptable. Keep in mind that it is not sex that changes but rather it is people that change the moment they get married.
- How to keep your thoughts pure till the honeymoon
For a Christian couple, purity is considered high key. Well, talking of purity, lustful thoughts including sexual contact should not be present. Purity refers to the full engagement as well as the enjoyment of all that is considered wise and Godly at a particular moment. One ought to ask questions on the manner in which God has allowed them to enjoy their spouses at that particular time instead of what God would not allow them to do yet.
- What tends to get them in the mood of making love?
This question would be suitable for a spouse to know how they are supposed to treat their partners as they get to that breathtaking moment. Usually, it gives one clue on how their partner would love it and when. This ought to be a talk between partners as a third party would make it a little not weird.
- What part of the body do they crave being touched prior to making love and after?
Open up and let your spouse learn what body parts turn you on the most. Also, how you would love to be treated at the end of making love making love matters. This will ensure that there is some kind of satisfaction each time you have sex with your spouse.
- The things that happen to be a turn off to your spouse
You would not like to piss off the lover of your life at all costs and most especially in the act of making love, would you? That is why most marriage counselors recommend that spouses get to find out things that their other halves would not be pleased with before getting there.
- The number of times that the two of you should have sex in a week.
Notably, a satisfying sex life is not created by frequency but rather, a satisfying sex life creates frequency. Shift your energy to anticipating as well as satisfying your partner, you will end up mutually enjoying the intimacy such that the frequency will take care of itself. Pray that God grants you creativity in this area so that you are able to keep that romance fire alive and it never gets boring.
- The manner in which your spouse should express their affection for you.
- How to overcome expectations from past sexual experiences
There are many expectations both positive and negative that one may be faced with from past relationships. Some of them include expectations of a certain level of energy in sex or spark in sex, the expectation that sex is used for control, the expectation of “mediocre sex” in a good relationship while the expectation of great sex in a bad relationship and the expectation of betrayal that one cannot manage to escape. Notably, foreign expectations have a huge impact on marriages. This is because they mix the oneness of marriage with fears, hurts, pleasures as well as hopes from past relationships. Some kinds of hurts and fears may have been caused by sin and we all know, sin creates false standards and
Premarital counseling questions concerning money
- How much money do you purpose to spend on groceries in a week’s time?
- How much each spouse ought to be anticipating spending on personal expenses.
- Ask your spouse whether they are okay with staying in debt or would they rather live a life free of debt.
- Is your spouse comfortable with putting all their money together with yours and sharing an account?
- Are they ready to budget for future expenses and how often should they do it?
Premarital counseling questions based on household expectations
- What does the word love really mean to them?
Some say that love is just a word until someone gives it meaning. Find out from your spouse what love means to them. This gives them an opportunity to spell out their innermost thoughts that they could possibly have assumed that you initially knew. By this, I mean the things he or she could assume that everyone obviously knows.
- Ask your spouse what they think the roles they will play in the marriage are.
- State the roles you will play in the marriage too.
- Let your spouse know what kind of roles you will rightfully claim as yours and be devoted to accomplishing in the most effective way possible.
- Discuss how often you think you should eat out weekly.
- How do they think you should divide up chores
Premarital counseling questions related to relational expectations
- Inquire from each other about whether a good career comes before family as well as the marriage.
This will help the two to find out whether it is the marriage or rather a good job that matters most to their spouses. They better let their marriage to come before their jobs no matter what status they hold to them. It shows how committed they are ready to be in the marriage.
- Discuss the set of rules that ought to be spelled out in the marriage and act as a governing tool.
As long as I have lived, I have not seen a game being played without rules. Rules make the game playable and the beauty of it all is to strive to remain part of the game by playing by the rules. Despite the fact that marriage is incomparable to any game as it happens to be a serious matter that one lives with for the rest of their lives, rules are important. Find out what your spouse expects of you while you are at home, workplace and socially. Do your code of dressing, the way of addressing issues and way of association with other people please him or her? Do your kinds of jobs allow you to conform to whatever patterns they wish you to?
- What are some of the things that if your spouse happens to do presently or in the future will make you lose the rust for them?
- How can you show your spouse that you love them?
- Ask about the ways in which the families they happen to come from used to solve issues as they were growing up. Was the method of resolving a nice approach or not? Ask whether they would like to use the same method or what changes should be carried out here and there.
Miscellaneous premarital counseling questions
- Top qualities of a good woman should have
- How social media affects relationships?
- Will your partner be willing to see a marriage counselor if you wish them to?
Marriage never lacks misunderstandings and there exists nothing like a ‘perfect marriage’. At times, a couple may encounter problems in the course of trying to solve problems. This is because they might fall out of talking terms after engaging in heated arguments. A trusted third party professional only does well by intervening and helping the two solve their issues from a neutral point of view. Marriages of couples that seek counselors’ help are more likely to last than those that don’t. Find out what your spouse think about marriage counselors. Are they positive about them? If not, would they change their minds?
- Where does your spouse really want to settle at?
I have seen marriages break due to disagreeing on where they should build themselves a home. Avoid this as you walk into marriage by letting your spouse know whether or not you are comfortable with living in certain places especially permanently. One should be open-minded as they talk about this because people often differ.
- Ask about what would happen if one party amongst you chooses to change their spiritual beliefs.
First and foremost, everyone has the freedom to worship any beings they consider supreme. It is best for couples to be equally yoked in that, they have common beliefs, practices, and norms. This will help avoid conflicts of some kind. However, it could still work for people without a common religion. It is good to know how your spouse value other religious groups they don’t belong to. Would there be a problem if one of you would choose to move to other spiritual beliefs? What kind of impact do you think this decision would bring to the marriage?
- What kind of influence does your spouse think the families you come from should have on your marriage if there happens to be any?
There are high chances of one of the spouses being so close to the families they come from than they are to their spouses. This could be very dangerous because the two might skip the ‘solving of problems themselves’ part to ‘letting their problems out to people’. As we all know, this kind of game always never help to solve problems. Grudges remain to the order of the day in their lives. Therefore, it is healthy to let your spouse know the boundaries you expect your families not to cross. Also, let them know what level of influence from your families you would be comfortable with.
- How do they define emotionally, physically and infidelity?
In conclusion, the above premarital counseling questions ought to be discussed with equal attention given to each of them irrespective of whether they happen to be so easy or difficult. Premarital questions assist spouses to learn about each other’s marriage expectation as early as possible. Both spouses ought to be very truthful and honest with each other as marriage is a crucial subject. Why do I insist that honesty should be the key theme? Lying will obviously bring about trust issues once you already have yourselves in marriage shoes. Communication and openness help to keep a healthy marriage in constant thrive.